Loving the dark
roasted bean ...
roasted bean ...
the teaching ...
and the learning ...
and, one day, the earning ...
and the learning ...
and, one day, the earning ...
I bet you're thinking I'm going to say that using a Bullet Journal can teach you how to manage your time, keep yourself on track, remember appointments, work towards goals and the like. And, yes, it can help with all those things. However, my experiment with Bullet Journals has taught me something I didn't quite expect. Let me preface this by saying that I am self-diagnosed ADHD. I say "self-diagnosed" because I'm over 50. When I was growing up the term ADHD didn't exist. I had what I used to call nervous fingers. So, instead of fidgeting like other classmates, I would draw, write stories or poetry or create complex paper games, all in the margins of my notebooks. At the same time, my vivid imagination would weave alternative lives for me to lead (aka daydreaming) as I was sitting in whatever classroom I happened to find myself. That was my way and it worked for me.** Back when I was a kid, the other kids who were visibly hyper always got in trouble. I never did. If you sat in your chair and looked at the teacher and could answer when the teacher called on you, you were pretty much left alone. That was me. My super power was dichotomous hearing so I could easily do that. I was also lucky enough to have a drive for excellence. I did well and I always got good grades. However, back then my time-management skills appeared to teachers to be a joke. I was very resistant to planners. I hated them. They always were home to lists of things and the days and times they had to be completed by. Planners could only contain those things and nothing else. Those were the rules of planners then. They seemed to impose a schedule on me that I didn't welcome. They made me feel trapped. I had my own time for things and I still do. I balk at rigid time constraints (as happens sometimes with ADHD). So, I abandoned many a well-intentioned, teacher-provided planner because I just didn't like them. I didn't even care why they didn't work. I mentioned in one of my previous posts about time management (Learning about Time Management and Awesome Free Planner Pages) that I thought I'd give keeping a planner, or more specifically Bullet Journal, a try. And, I started my Bullet Journal in February of this year. I was so enthusiastic about it at first. I added embellishments, song lyrics, artwork, doodles and it was fun. I diligently wrote down all the important stuff I wanted to keep note of: appointments, blogging goals, ideas, work-days, bills due, exercise days, etc. However, I've been working on and off lately and that left me with little down-time. There were so many things I had to do, the Bullet Journal was the last thing on my mind. I found that on the days I came back home from the city, feeling exhausted from the journey and from work, I didn't even think to look at my Bullet Journal. After a day or two, I'd remember, "Oh yeah, my Bullet Journal. Gotta check-in with that." And when I opened it, blank pages stared back at me. I found myself having to go back and try to capture what I'd "planned" to do, to add to it, to record my daily goals or accomplishments that I'd mentally planned for and completed from days ago. It felt like I was playing catch-up with my life. In fact, I felt like I'd failed. I didn't like that feeling. In trying to diagnose what made me "forget" about it, I started testing theories. Is it me? Am I that undisciplined? Is my ADHD that much in command of me? Did I just get bored with it all? Maybe, maybe not. I thought back to my very productive school years. In school, I did my best work when I was imagining, doodling, and writing in those notebook margins. My focus was razor-sharp when my creative self was also being paid attention to. My ADHD is such that my hyper mind craves that kind of engagement. Could it be that to continue to be engaged in using a Bullet Journal I can't put aside the creative aspect of it? Perhaps that's what I was doing. What with working and traveling to and from, I felt that I didn't have time to be creative with my Bullet Journal. I was focusing on the same thing those teachers used to focus on: writing the "important things" down and nothing else. I understand now that if I wasn't drawing in it, or writing in it, or making it pretty in some creative way, I really didn't feel like using my Bullet Journal. In order for it to have meaning to me, I can't just gloss over that creative tie for the sake of expedience, or exhaustion, or laziness. My experiment with using a Bullet Journal has not only taught me, or reminded me, about who I am but how I am. It's like introspection--which is a good thing. Introspection is the system of checks and balances of the mind. It keeps you aware of not only the path you are on but questions you about whether it's the path you should be on. While I fully expected that using my Bullet Journal would teach me about time management and organization, help me to get things planned for and done, what it ended up doing is teaching me about myself. So, I've decided to continue using my Bullet Journal. I feel that it is a worthy pursuit. When I look back on the pages that worked for me, where I was most productive in capturing the details of my days, there is a feeling of pride in those accomplishments. It gives me a feeling of being organized and on-top of the things I needed and wanted to do. I just also need to keep in mind that my creative self needs nourishing too. That perhaps time-management and creativity are not mutually exclusive. And they can't be. Not for me anyway. I wonder what other things about myself it's going to teach me along the way. I'm actually looking forward to finding out. **Note: for me the H portion of the ADHD I channeled into my hands. If my hands weren't working, my foot was tapping or shaking (which was more quiet and less noticeable). For great deals on Bullet Journals click here: Bullet Journals.
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